Want to know one of my pet peeves?
When someone gives me a generic solution and makes me feel bad if I’m not happy about it.
You ever experienced this?
When I hear it, it sounds a lot like:
You’re overthinking. Just take action.
This is the way I found success, so I know it works. The fact you’re arguing with me shows you’re just being stubborn and don’t want to be helped.
You’re not coachable.
Do you always need to be right?
Oof. Writing those out feels like a punch in the gut.
Here’s the thing. I’m not stubborn. I’m not uncoachable, and I don’t need to be right.
What I do need is for your solution to be applicable to my context – my strengths, the people I’m working with, and the real situation we’re struggling with.
That “It worked for me, so it’ll work for you” approach doesn’t work for me. Your situation was different than mine. I guarantee it. Even if only because we’re different people with different strengths and challenges. I can’t directly duplicate your strategy for my success.
What I can do is take the principles of what you’re suggesting and adapt it to fit me in my current context. I can do that.
But you know what makes it hard? When you attach judgment to my adaptation, making me feel wrong for needing to adjust your solution.
Want to know one of my favorite things?
When someone offers their perception of my situation and invites me to correct their interpretation.
Which is exactly why I always check in with my clients to see if what I think I’m noticing resonates as true. Only when we get to a point where we have enough nuanced understanding do we start exploring principals and frameworks that we not only can adapt, but that we expect to. Zero judgment attached.
Whether you’re working on your own leadership development, your team’s ability to collaborate, or a change program for others we will always spend enough time to thoroughly understand the depth of your situation before choosing, adapting and experimenting with solutions that get you moving beyond friction and into flow.
Does this approach take more time than just following steps? Initially, yes.
But we get to a real result more quickly because we’re not spending implementation time on things that don’t actually fit your context.
At the end of day that’s what I want – something that will work for me. A nuanced solution that fits my nuanced reality, even (and especially) when it’s something I can change.
Because even though I know my situation is unique, sometimes recognizing what I’m doing that’s getting in my own way can be too close for me to see by myself. If I believe that you’re truly understanding me and my situation, I really do want to be helped.
I think most of us do.
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P.S. Looking for an action you can take right now? Examine something you’re currently trying to put in place. Does it fit you, in your current context? What could you adjust to help it fit you better? Want to experiment with it and let me know how it goes? I’d love to hear. Seriously.
P.P.S. If there’s someone you want to forward this to – please do! Let them know what caught your attention. I bet they’ll be glad you thought of them.
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