Make Note of What you Observe, Slow the Meaning You Make of It

Next week I’m going to be teaching a data collection and analysis course for new organization development practitioners. Separating what we observe in the data from the meaning we make of it is one my foundational points. And it’s not just good advice for data collecting OD practitioners. It’s for all of us, anytime we need to step in to help someone make a change.

Many of us are familiar with this idea - we've heard the advice to talk about "The story I'm telling myself is..." And yet, it's one of those things that's so innate, we constantly forget about it. It's worth as many reminders as we can get. 

As human beings we are constantly making meaning of what we experience. We do this in every aspect of our lives: as leaders, as partners, parents, & employees. In every aspect of our lives, we create stories about what we experience. It’s one of those things that’s hard-wired into us. 

We get cut off on the commute home? That’s because they’re a rude driver who cares more about themselves than anyone else. 

One of my coworkers interrupts me, again? If they’re my friend it is definitely because they’re just looking out for me. But if they already annoy me? My inner story is closer to Holy moly! The lack of self-awareness on that one. Uggh!

We don’t even notice the difference between the series of events and our interpretation of it. We automatically make stories about everything we experience and our stories are shaped by our internal filters.

Sometimes those filters are rosy. This parking spot was saved for me! Everyone is nodding during my presentation, they love it! I’m doing amazing!

Sometimes they're not.

Those filters are individual. They’re shaped by our past and present experiences. Our brain is not physically capable of processing all the data we can take in and so it shortcuts the process, fitting that information into known patterns and stories; into filters to help interpret it. 

And, it’s important to note, our filters are not “pure.” They’re not factual representations of what’s happening. They’re what our mind suggests is happening when it combines our observation with our past experiences. 

Sometimes that’s really useful. Again, it’s a necessary neurological process to make sense of all that’s happening around us. But sometimes it means we don’t actually see the person or situation in front of us, we see a past experience layered over the top of what’s right in front of us. We can miss what’s actually happening because we can’t see through that past-experience filter.

As we continue to develop our ability to lead well, to offer useful feedback, and to make decisions, it’s critical to practice the ability to make note of our observations while resisting the urge to assume the meaning we make of them is the only explanation. It's critical we begin to separate the action from the story we’re telling. We want to intentionally choose not to let those past-experience filters automatically interpret others' actions or motivations. 

What do we do instead? 

We make the observation and ask the others involved what they make of it. It might sound as direct as that. “I notice this. What do you make of it?”

What does that look like in practice? 

Imagine one of your direct reports has not submitted their deliverable on time. Again. Your immediate response, or the story you tell yourself, might sound like “What are they doing to me? Do they not realize how much this impacts our project? Wait...they’re not sabotaging this, are they? Was she a bad hire? At the very least she’s too disorganized. And now I’m going to have to stay late to make it all work.”

But.

Instead of running with that story you decide to notice the action and ask them about the meaning. You say, “Hi Amanda, I notice you’ve missed the last two deadlines. Can you tell me about that?” The lack of blame or assumption in your question gives Amanda an opportunity to share the issues she’s encountering, whether its competing priorities, lack of clarity, resource issues, or an opportunity for you to address time management and set clear expectations. 

Does it mean she won’t feel defensive? Not necessarily. But you’re initiating a conversation to step in and address the actual cause – not just the story you automatically told yourself.

Because when we need to intervene in some way, it’s important to address the actual cause of the situation and not just a symptom. If we move forward with our automatic story filters, we tend to address symptoms more than root causes. 

Separating the action from the meaning is a surefire way to build your capacity to address the heart of a matter. 

Don’t get me wrong. It’s an incredibly difficult to slow your thinking in this way. Deciding to doesn’t mean it will just start happening. This is an automatic process happening faster than we can recognize. 

But, deciding to pay attention means we can start to build our ability realize the difference between the action and the story. We can remember the story we're telling ourselves isn't the only possibility and realize it’s a filter we’ve applied to the situation. We can get curious  about what’s happening from other’s perspectives. Gathering multiple perspectives, or collecting data, is the way we get to root causes and solutions.

All my best, Sarah

P.S. This is hard to do alone. That’s why people that do what I do exist. Want help figuring out the root causes of your work challenges? Let’s talk.